As the original texts are written in Turkish, English translation is provided for non-Turkish readers. The author apologizes in advance for any and all possible changes and losses in meaning due to translation.
Every Saturday morning I try to visit my mother for breakfast and for a talk. Last Saturday, she said that this morning her neighbor did not greet her the way she always did. She had her own perception of the reason why her neighbor acted that way. We discussed the issue and this conversation reminded me how easily we may cause misunderstandings in our relationships with our families, friends or colleagues. It wouldn’t be fair to say that pondering unnecessary and troublesome issues and making wrong comments in critical moments are not characteristics of the Turkish culture only. We humans in general have a tendency to believe that we can read people’s minds simply by looking at a facial expression or focusing on a word. I would like to share a relevant anecdote on this topic.
A long long time ago, I had the privilege to meet Paul Watzlawick in California Palo Alto, where I lived for 12 years. Paul’s advice on how to be unhappy gives the best (humorous) reflection of such moments of belief.
The story of the hammer:
A man wants to hang a painting on the wall. He has got nails, but no hammer. And his neighbor has got a hammer. So the man decides to borrow the neighbor’s hammer. Rethinking his decision, the man has some doubts: What if the neighbor does not want to lend the hammer? Just yesterday he seemed to be a little superficial in the way he greeted our man. Perhaps he was in a hurry. But perhaps he pretended that he was in a hurry. Perhaps he had negative feelings about our man. But why? Our man did nothing wrong to him. So our man is in delusion. If someone asked him to lend a tool, he would do it immediately. What wouldn’t his neighbor? How can anyone refuse such a simple request? Guys like him make one’s life miserable. And then they believe that you are just so much dependent on him. Now, our man has really lost his patience. In a fury, he goes to his neighbor’s apartment and knocks the door. Even before the neighbor finds the chance to say ‘Good morning’, our man yells at him: “Just keep the hammer, you vulgar, rude man!”
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