This week, my wife and I sent our twin sons to university.

Since they are twins, they chose to study at different schools. One went to the West coast and the other to the East coast of the USA. The distance between is 6 hours by plane. So here is another test to pass for the parents. If learning never ends, then this step is one that brings along new feelings. And of course, it is the hardest for the mothers. But I see that this new beginning is one of the most important steps for young people as they become mature. So far, we always stood next to them and held their hands, and now we will keep holding them from the distance.

Learning never ends!

“Freedom begins by saying ‘no’!”

At the weekend I was in a mall, waiting in the cash queue. I saw a mother trying hard to convince her kid to eat. The kid, whose linguistic abilities had recently begun to develop, suddenly said “NO” in force. The reaction of the mother indicated that it was the first “no” of the child. Instantly, the kid shrank his lips (act of rebellion) and the mother’s jaw dropped (astonishment). In that moment, the relationship between the mother and the kid took a new dimension. I should say that it has been an interesting observation for me.

Martin Luther (1453-1546) said that every liberation begins by saying “no”. The liberation that begins with a “no” should be respected and cherished. In fact, this is not only about the relationship between parents and children. Let’s think about it a little: How do we react to “no” as an answer in our society and environment?

First, I have to say that, as a society, we usually perceive “no” as a danger.  However, for every individual who does not want to be tied to a single way of thinking and who is open to innovation and development, “no” requires a constructive approach. Being open to innovation is an innate trait. For this reason, one should be able to tolerate objections in hierarchical relations, friendships, and even love affairs. Fear of “no” as an answer can often leave an impression of a trust issue in those who feel inadequate in life and take shelter in their own worldview, ignoring the new.

As the French diplomat, resister, and writer Stéphane Hessel said, by approaching constructively to “no” as an answer, we can perform our primary task to design the future world no matter how complex it may be and we can let the “new” come to light.

New Years often start for many people with a New Year’s resolution. Most of them are related to change aspects of our life. But what are the essential aspects when we like to change? I read in the Harvard Business Review an article that I like to refer to. The article has the title “if-you-want-to-change-don’t-read-this”, well I did and for me it is one of the shortest well formulated hints I found on the fundamentals why we often fail to change.

Here we go:

• Building self awareness:
  Before we start our changing process, we should obtain and believe in honest and critical feedback from others. This is not easy to do, critical feedback needs courage,  in social life and business life we witness often how people or managers struggle to give their friends or employees an honest and critical feedback out of fear to hurt them.

• Goals – what do you like to change?
  Do not start with a dramatic goal like changing significant aspects of yourself and by that losing your personality, that what makes you unique. It sound like a business case but yes, we need a realistic strategy that focuses on realistic goals, by starting simple and specific (e.g. more listening, less shouting, etc.).

• Dedication or determination
  Change needs willpower and we need to motivate and dedicate ourselves to the effort. Partners can help, but I believe at the end we have to drive it on our own.  I saw a statistic that the reason why most of the people have a personal trainer is that the trainer is been used as a self created motivation pressure ( he is waiting, ..I have to go to the Gym).

At the end, change needs to be taken serious and it takes efforts since we are fighting against our own nature.

Every Saturday morning I try to visit my mother for breakfast and for a talk. Last Saturday, she said that this morning her neighbor did not greet her the way she always did. She had her own perception of the reason why her neighbor acted that way. We discussed the issue and this conversation reminded me how easily we may cause misunderstandings in our relationships with our families, friends or colleagues. It wouldn’t be fair to say that pondering unnecessary and troublesome issues and making wrong comments in critical moments are not characteristics of the Turkish culture only. We humans in general have a tendency to believe that we can read people’s minds simply by looking at a facial expression or focusing on a word. I would like to share a relevant anecdote on this topic.
A long long time ago, I had the privilege to meet Paul Watzlawick in California Palo Alto, where I lived for 12 years. Paul’s advice on how to be unhappy gives the best (humorous) reflection of such moments of belief.

The story of the hammer:
A man wants to hang a painting on the wall. He has got nails, but no hammer. And his neighbor has got a hammer. So the man decides to borrow the neighbor’s hammer. Rethinking his decision, the man has some doubts: What if the neighbor does not want to lend the hammer? Just yesterday he seemed to be a little superficial in the way he greeted our man. Perhaps he was in a hurry. But perhaps he pretended that he was in a hurry. Perhaps he had negative feelings about our man. But why? Our man did nothing wrong to him. So our man is in delusion. If someone asked him to lend a tool, he would do it immediately. What wouldn’t his neighbor? How can anyone refuse such a simple request? Guys like him make one’s life miserable. And then they believe that you are just so much dependent on him. Now, our man has really lost his patience. In a fury, he goes to his neighbor’s apartment and knocks the door. Even before the neighbor finds the chance to say ‘Good morning’, our man yells at him: “Just keep the hammer, you vulgar, rude man!”

Many of you are living as an expat away from home and each expat life has its own dimensions. Here I am going to share with you an article about my experience in India. Also it was originally printed 10 years ago it is still valid in many of the key aspects of today.

Experience as an Expatriate in India

Despite talented people, and a vibrant corporate sector, India may remain a developing country if the focus of development does not shift from a “political” to an “economic” view point.

Exotic, Unique and Diverse!! That is the image I had of India, prior to my arriving to this colorful country. An image further enhanced by the writing of Hemingway titled” India, the country of thousand Gods, Religions and languages”. And each passing day, the perception I came with has grown stronger. India and its people have the unique ability to carry with them the past, the present and the future. The old India coexists and blends in beautifully with the present modern India. And like the land, every aspect of Indian culture, is an expression of the unending process of assimilation and absorption.

And this is an extremely interesting to experience to witness.

Initially on arrival, the place was a bit overwhelming with the cultural diversity, different accents and even the business terminology was not entirely common to what is used worldwide. But gradually it became easier to understand and relate as people went out of their way to explain and were helpful. Adapting to India initially took around 6 months. After the settling-in period, it’s been a great learning experience, something one wouldn’t want to miss.

Now we are told that Omega 3 may not do what it was marketed for. So many opinions, what is good for you today can be harmful to you tomorrow. Medicine helped us tremendously in the last hundred years to become older; however we have to remember – experiments entails trial and error.

I realize that we are expanding our vocabulary a little further and we carry the word “innovation” into our list of favorites.

Two different meanings are attributed to the word “innovation”:

1) Revolutionary Innovation

2) Evolutionary Innovation

The word “revolutionary” here is favorable, it defines the companies as institutions that shape the future. In the future, there will be companies that can develop evolutionary services and products.
The importance of evolutionary innovation is, of course, undeniable, but the type of innovation we need today as a country is more of a revolutionary nature, because in the process of the development of humanity, if we ever want to put forward our ambitions, we must first implement our revolutionary ideas and strategies to reach to the point of creating evolutionary products and solutions. For example, iPod and the touchscreen technology developed by Apple has gone through an evolutionary development first as a phone (iPhone), then as a tablet (iPad).

But we realize that revolutionary innovation requires patience and right timing. We need to wait for it. A creative environment must be formed. In this process, we must support experimental studies and creative ideas and demonstrate more tolerant management in case of errors and losses. If we can succeed in ensuring these, we will be able to carry out more revolutionary innovations in our country as well.

When I started my career at Siemens, it was a global company with 129 years of history and operating in more than 100 countries. Back then, not everyone had a phone line like they do now. Phones were only given to employees at specific positions. There was no internet or fax yet and the most common communication tool was Siemens’ T1000 Teleprinters. Yet again, this did not change the fact that Siemens was a vast network operating globally. And I was wondering how this network operated in full harmony. That is how my desire to work abroad emerged. I had an endless curiosity for the “new”, which has always fascinated me, and an appetite for knowledge. My personal trait that kept my life “dynamic” has always been the curiosity for the “new”, in other words the “unknown, unfamiliar.” For instance, today, I find it remarkable how social media changes our lives and social system as a new concept and it will probably affect all future generations. This curiosity for the “new” resulted in me moving from Germany to USA and made this decision the most important turning point in my life.

I must confess that as a man raised within the Turkish and German cultures that approach towards almost everything with suspicion, American lifestyle of welcoming every new idea without any prejudice, simply saying “this is amazing” seemed very “superficial” to me at the beginning. However, then I understood that approaching ideas primarily from the “positive side” is just another perspective. Especially what I, myself, experienced at Silicon Valley was that people were enthusiastic about hearing about and, furthermore, investing in new ideas. This was probably my first contact with the “diversity” phenomenon in a different dimension. I realized that when we, humans, can change and shape a lot more while working in different countries and functions. More importantly, we become more open to developing new perspectives. I can say this has been the most important turning point to shape my career. But, not this alone.

When we moved to India with our 3 kids, both my family and I faced substantial changes in our lives. We had never lived in a society where social discriminations were so sharp and visible. I was concerned that my kids would witness a very poor and inflexible society, which is a direct result of their lifestyle. In fact, I must confess that I even thought about covering car windows with dark-colored curtains so that my kids would not be shocked by the real life in India. Of course, we did not do that, and we allowed our kids to face the society they live in and learn what happens around them. They constantly asked questions to us and we explained everything without changing or hiding a single thing. One year later, it was our kids who explained the situation of the Indian people with empathy and tolerance to our guests at home.

And another surprising thing we learned was that the caste system in India created both the privileged group called the “Untouchables” and also the sense of “philanthropy and tolerance” which is the foundation of the Indian society. When I found out that my chauffeur, whose monthly salary was perhaps 100 dollars only, was taking a huge pot of lentil soup to the poorhouse once a week, he was embarrassed, because he thought such deeds had to be done without anyone knowing. What I realized was that the quantity of contribution doesn’t matter. What matters is this: Individuals within the masses, those who keep the system alive continue to contribute even in a modest and small way. My experiences in India has a special place in my life in many different aspects.

Lastly, I would like to say that being “different” in your environment doesn’t mean you should accept the roles given by the society as they are. In my opinion, this is one of the important turning points in many lives, including mine. My experience goes back to my school years. As my grandfather had emigrated as early as 1924, I knew very well what it was like to live in a foreign society. In the school, maybe I was the kid who is not “German”, but for me this was never a problem because there was an impressive example right before me: A school friend who challenged his physical disabilities and established himself as he is. He not only rejected the roles “given” to him by the society because of his physical condition, but also overcame difficulties by establishing himself “different”. Moreover he “shone” with his differences in his social environment. This has been the most striking example to show me that differences can make people unique and bring them to the fore. When you accept your “different” qualities as they are, you also accept the fact that the this is your chance. Having a friend like him has been a turning point, not only in my professional life, but also in my whole life.